Crown Heights Fashion Show

found

who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m

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Date: 2008-04-20, 12:56PM EDT


a) how did you get into my mailbox in the first place, it is locked
b) did you kill the bird
c) it died horribly, that much was clear
d) you're psycho
e) do I know you
f) if I do know you I don't want to know you
g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox
h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills and my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them
i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - they don't even live in New York - this is so f*ing psycho, I can't believe this
j) are you the mailman?
k) I'm always nice to the mailman
l) the super didn't care when I told him what happened
m) the neighbors didn't care either
n) do you have some kind of problem with birds
o) don't put anything else in my mailbox
p) unless it's an apology
q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology
r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury things in this city?
s) I could drop it in the Gowanus canal, but that seems undignified
t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird
u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck
v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get to the stairwell
w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm a vegetarian
x) if this was Ricky, I'm gonna beat your ass, mama told you stop bothering the zoo
y) if this was Gina, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry
z) I could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again

• Location: crown heights
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 649331801

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One Love

Bob Marley might be alive in Brooklyn.  If he is, he rides the 3 train and sings really loudly at 8 in the morning.  Ironically, he doesn't sound anything like himself on the records and "alternative" radio, but rather more like Prince singing Bob Marley with a sore throat.  

i love you cherry blossoms.

the world's largest playplace, and other reasons why i probably won't be back

Monday
April 28th, 2008

For better or worse, my first contribution to the Brower Park Times (or BPT, as the kids are calling it) will not be composed from the cushy surrounds of my day lit parlor, or Daf's ample fire escape (sooooo audrey in Bfast at Tiff's but it would have been cute right?). My offering this early Monday morning is fresh from Orlando, Florida, home of strip malls, swamps and a surprising number of Europeans. I'm only about a third done with my stay, and yes id like to come home. now. But on the other hand, I do love sunshine and alligators, plus being in Brooklyn would mean working the 9-6 in front of my really bad monitor that is slowly sucking the power from my eyeballs and I know this because my laptop can't be past my thigh bulge or else the words blur.

so Orlando, here's to you; you're not Crown Heights, and you're not the waft of my new eau de toilette and you're not my new kitty or my new little daisy earrings ( i got lots of new stuff last month!!!!!!!@#!@#) or anything else that gives me a general sense of comfort, but you're some other things that we'll discuss and think about.

happenings since friday night:

1) A crawfish party outside "Jockamo's New Orleans Cuisine!!" and the entire fire department was there plus other civilians and they were all eating pounds POUNDS of crawfish from styrofoam dishes and the crawfish were all over the sidewalk in big water pots and you got to pick them out yourself, and then this large black woman boiled them. boiled them in the parking lot. I opted for a Wendy's frosty and small chili cup.


2) Strange regional indigenous soliciting? Upon leaving the Florida Mall (note: largest 1 story mall ever) several different, non related children approached me- and not many other people around me, so what does this say(?)-with fliers for Native American Psychic Readings. One little girl sprinted to put the flier in my hand, like she had some type of agenda. is this a florida thing? or a south thing? or just a Florida Mall thing.....

3) Driving Galore! i've spent more time in a car these past 3 days than I have in the past 2 months. Mass transit has perhaps spoiled me, but in the best of ways, and I'm missing it right now (plus my monthly runs out in like a week and its lying fallow in my wallet, not a turnstile to swipe for miles)

Also let's talk about my condo- Despite the swampy 87 or so degrees it's pushing outside, something automated keeps our humble baroque residence at 69. Also we have a fake dog statue in the living room, and thick maroon and gold everything. fake flowers in maroon and gold, weird fringy drapes in maroon and gold, i have 3 blankets (wtf? its f-l-o-r-i-d-a!) and oh, my bed came with 10 pillows. Plus 3 TVs, just in case.

And yet, I will say that Disney is a fascinating and substantial chunk of Orlando. Imagine the power of an animator or of a mouse in pants to create jobs, infrastructure, schools, an Asian dictator's film cannon, corporations and mergers (Disney owns ABC who owned ESPN et al) marriages, deaths, lawsuits, pollution, fetishes, traumas, vocabulary, soundtracks, style (therein lies the Orlando-Brooklyn connection, via Mickey fitteds that are admittedly kinda hot) and...more. It's another 7 days of swampy heat and marble/granite conventionness, but if a sophisticat such as Walt can command such a place than surely I can withstand another week without the crab apple blossoms, Yemeni clerks at City Pride, and lovely housemates. The world's largest McDonald's Playplace is but a few minutes drive away, and we didn't rent a Dodge Grand Caravan for nothing.